There once was a child spawned by goblins. She lived with a nice human family who loved her despite of, perhaps because of, the holes in her disguise. They happily overlooked the times she would attempt to bit their fingers off at the joint or burst their eardrums with a particularly spectacular screech. They were merely relieved that she was no longer projectile vomiting.
Her goblin heritage was especially evident in her ability to communicate with the animals. The Goblin Child had a cat as her familiar, they could often be seen meowing and purring during extended conversations. She would growl ferociously at the dog if she tried to retrieve her food bowl from the vicious Goblin Child. They traversed the house, a wild herd of animals wrecking havoc where ever they went. The poor unsuspecting parents were proud of their little changeling.
As The Goblin Child grew and began eating solid foods her goblin like tendencies became more apparent. She ate with the appetite of a horse, a large one, and ate in a rather unladylike manner. Her sweet loving parents had to yank their fingers back quickly when offering her a tasty morsel or risk having blood drawn. As the child rooted in her tray of food they were torn between tisking over her food matted hair and a certain pride for her healthy appetite.
Before too long they began discussing whether her features were undergoing a change. “Surely her nose was not formerly so snub?” questioned the doting father. ” I do believe she is getting a mite plump.” thought her patient, loving mother. As she snorted and grunted her way through yet another meal the alarm increased.
“Now darling” they gently chided, “you really must begin to develop some manners.”
Their darling child looked back at her devoted parents, skin glowing healthy and pink, and oinked at them before returning to rooting in her food.
“Oh, sweetness, that simply will not do!” her parents exclaimed distraught. “They say you are what you eat. If you continue to behave like this I fear you will become how you eat.”
The light of their lives gazed back at them blankly, her formerly large beautiful eyes appearing a bit beady, then oinked.
Her parents were greatly distressed, this had to be their fault somehow. Her mother had obviously not loved her enough, feared the poor beleaguered mother. It must be all her fault because she had resented having to get up with the poor, poor, child three times a night when she was only a year old, practically a new born.
“No,” said the gallant, loving father. “I must take full blame, it was I who offered her chocolate as her first taste of solid food. It obviously started a
lifelong trend. Forgive me my love,” he hung his head in shame.
They consoled themselves with the hope that it was just a trend, all children are messy eaters after all. They carried that hope with them
until that night when they changed their darling into her pajamas. As they changed her diaper before bed they noticed a protrusion from the child’s lower back. It looked almost like, no it couldn’t be, but it almost seemed like a tail. They cried themselves to sleep that night.
Sure enough, the next morning when they went to check on her instead of their little Goblin Child they found a piglet.
There is a bright side, it has worked rather well for them. They no longer have to try to keep her out of the dog food. It is considerably cheaper to feed a piglet than a child. Turns out it is even easier to house train a piglet than a Goblin Child.
Well it’s not quite a pig, but….